Skin: So for the first time in a decade I start trying to get in shape, and Time magazine comes out with an article saying working out doesn't help you lose weight because it increases your appetite for muffins and fast-food burritos. I'm kind of paraphrasing something I didn't read, but I find the timing of this article most depressing. Not that I'm a lard butt, but I didn't want to reduce my A-cups and Mini-Cooper spare tire. So I've been busting my tail for six weeks and I still have the exact same body as Napolean Dynamite. What a rip-off.
Ben: I sense a conspiracy. Maybe the fast food companies own Time magazine. If so, this could be our Woodward and Bernstein moment. I call shotgun on Woodward. I don't even know what that means. But I don't read Time, so I'm going to start working out. Next time you see me, you'll think you're walking in on a Bowflex commercial shoot. Sure, I run the risk of missing the boat if fat comes back in style, like all of the experts are predicting, but I don't care. I'm not afraid to blaze my own trail. Coincidentally, Fake News Magazine is reporting that trail-blazing increases a person's likelihood to put a muffin in play.
Skin: The last time I thought I was walking in on a Bowflex commercial, it turned out my wife was having an affair with a washboard. All your trail-blazing reminds me of the 2001-02 Portland Trail Blazers. A lot of folks forgot that Shawn Hemp was on that team. I think that was his name. Seems like he went on to invest in a fertility clinic or something like that. I just remember him being ahead of his time as the first player since Mel Turpin to openly embrace the Time article that hadn't come out yet.
Ben: All this talk about time is making me miss Morris Day. Sure, he and the band performed in FW recently, and a quick interwebnet search reveals that he is appearing in Toyota ads for a dealership in Atlanta, but that's about it right now. Luckily, I picked Prince over Day in my Minnesota-funk fantasy keeper league back in the day. I remember, because you took Jimmy Jam with the No. 1 overall pick. Nice work.
Sometimes you need a really good happy hour deal that goes well past 7 p.m. Luckily, Monica's in Deep Ellum's got your back. Every Wednesday until 10 p.m., the Tex-Mex resto serves 75-cent house margaritas with the purchase of an entree. (For all you lushes out there, they cut you off at three drinks.) This is why Monica's is the site of a girls-only happy hour amongst my friends tonight. Perhaps I'll see you there, too ...
To get a glimpse of Elvis Costello's full music repertoire, check out his excellent show Spectacle on Sundance Channel, in which he talks shop and plays along with artists of all stripes. You'll find him crooning old standards or belting out soul, blues and bluegrass. His latest CD is Secret, Profane & Sugarcane, a country-tinged effort produced by T. Bone Burnett. But keep your fingers crossed for the tracks you crave, such as "Veronica," "Alison," "Everyday I Write the Book" and "Watching the Detectives." 8 p.m. Nokia Theatre, 1001 Performance Place, Grand Prairie. $49.50-$69.50. 1-800-745-3000. ticketmaster.com.
Experimenting with new sounds is what electronic-ambient duo Florene does best, so expect to be challenged a bit in concert. Same goes for the other bands on this bill, during Rubber Gloves' "free week." With Zanzibar Snails, Lychgate and Nervous Curtains. 9 p.m. Rubber Gloves, 411 E. Sycamore St., Denton. No cover. 940-387-7781. rubberglovesdentontx.com.
DJ Francisco spins electro-house and dance at Hotel Capri. $3 shot specials and $4 wells. 6 p.m. 2020 Greenville Ave. No cover. 214-370-9944. thehotelcapri.com.
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